On the Teeter Totter

Do you ever feel like you don’t belong
with a group of people you should
belong with – 
Should be okay with?
But you feel yourself standing there
Watching, not experiencing.
Viewing something you should
be enjoying but you stand
Blending in with the background
Feeling invisible and gone
what it should be like.
It is disconnected,
disjointed and distant.
You try to join but as your
Energy emerges,
their’s retreats…
A teeter totter of energy,
of feeling good and bad
but no one sees it except you. 
Because you are the only one watching. 
the only one there, yet not.
the only one who feels like
they don’t belong.

T. Marina

The energy

I can feel my blood boil –
My skin start to itch.
Gripping and releasing fists
To expel some energy
Yet the energy won’t go.
It stays pent up
Gaining heat and acceleration.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Keep breathing.
Calm and steady.
Tame the beasts –
Cool the blood to a simmer,
Back to its river.
Slow the heartbeat
And tune out the energy –
Expel the energy
Somehow.

Get rid of it before
It consumes you-
Before it breaks you,
Before you lash out with it,
Pushing a shock wave
Of pent up energy —
Reduce the energy back to
Its constant, quite,
Steady existence. Not boiling,
Bring it back down
To be able to move on.
To focus on something,
Anything but this.

T. Marina