Closing the doors

It takes more time to open
than it does to shut down. 

Carefully placed booby traps,
intricate locks, antiquated puzzles,
elaborate knots, and tricky riddles,
barring the doors closed.
Taking endless effort and struggle
to make them budge,
to hear even the slightest movement;
A new contraption added
each time the doors have closed. 

But once each obstacle is overcome,
each obstruction torn down,
each layer of barrier disintegrated,
with force and care, the doors
can be opened – with hesitation. 

Either blinded by the light coming through
or soaked by the storm brewing,
uncertainty lies beyond, 
brighter or darker than the last time. 
The backside of the door battered, 
splintered, with peaking opulence. 

Beware the shifting winds
Whether warm or cold, the doors
swing shut like butterfly wings.
The same doors that needed
a tidal wave to be opened,
take barely a breath to close,
a small scare or fear of the unknown
may prepare another barricade
to be put in place when the doors
again decide to, or are slammed shut. 

But when the sun shines bright enough
Or the rain falls hard enough,
those doors stay open, unwilling
to close out the sun or rain.
Because it is more painful to shut down,
Than it is to open up.

T. Marina

On the Teeter Totter

Do you ever feel like you don’t belong
with a group of people you should
belong with – 
Should be okay with?
But you feel yourself standing there
Watching, not experiencing.
Viewing something you should
be enjoying but you stand
Blending in with the background
Feeling invisible and gone
what it should be like.
It is disconnected,
disjointed and distant.
You try to join but as your
Energy emerges,
their’s retreats…
A teeter totter of energy,
of feeling good and bad
but no one sees it except you. 
Because you are the only one watching. 
the only one there, yet not.
the only one who feels like
they don’t belong.

T. Marina

Lazy?!

I was once told
“Free verse is lazy man’s poetry.”
He’s wrong.
Lazy men don’t write.
Lazy men barely feel.
They are too consumed
With doing nothing that,
They.
Don’t.
Care.
They will not express themselves.
They will not tell you “I love you”
They will do absolutely nothing.
He’s a liar!
Anyone who will take time,
To carefully construct lines
That are just the right length–
To get the point across…
IS NOT LAZY.
They take time to insert–
Punctuation.

Spaces…

And even just to write.
True that to some,
It takes less effort to write
In free verse,
But that does not make us lazy!
We are still writing.

We are still expressing.

We are still doing more…

Than that lazy man.
More than the person,
Who doesn’t write at all.
More than him–
Who calls me lazy.

I’d like to see you try.

T. Marina

The Shell

Take a look in the mirror.
That is what the majority see:
the outside.
Only seeing a portion
of the person in the mirror.

she judges, he judges
he comments, she comments;
Praises; Insults;
more than hoped for
or wishing to be unheard.
Why listen?
Why let them influence?
Building up,
Tearing down;
It is all against the shell.

Shells are meant to protect.
They take beatings and polishes.
He doesn’t see inside the shell – 
She doesn’t want to know – 
The inside may be ugly
(or beautiful)
Matching the shell
or the exact opposite,
Yet shells that are rejected
over and over again
crack.
From pressure,
from disdain – 
Internal and External torture.
No bandage or fix-all works…
The scar remains as it heals
from within.

The mirror won’t show scars
unless it can see through the shell.
The mirror can’t fix the problem
as the mirror is the problem
imperfections and differences
are not ugly
The majority will say as they please
but it is the few who matter,
who see the shell and the inside,
the whole package
that which makes beauty
that which make unpleasant
that which someone will find
Irresistible
and show the rest that
You are beautiful.

T. Marina

Yesterday I Stepped

Yesterday, I stepped into reality,
My life changed in many ways.
Till everything became hard.
It hurt to do things, I had always done,
My heart was breaking from the pain.
Without love, my life went down the drain.

Does it always hurt this bad?
How come it wasn’t there before,
Did love blind me from all pain?
Was love the only way to gain?
Can I live without that love that was there,
There in my heart?
It filled my body, my soul,
But now I am empty.

Why did it go?
Am I meant to suffer now?
Have I done something wrong?

T. Marina

But Don’t

Be yourself, they say. 
but don’t.
Show how you are, 
but hide.
You should be proud,
but you won’t belong. 

Don’t feel like you can’t
say what you feel.
Don’t feel like you can’t
express your emotions,
yet when you do – 
You are chastised,
You are judged,
You are not the norm,
You be argumentative 
or a Debbie-downer…
so everyone thinks.
So stay quiet. 

But that’s not okay…
so say little, 
but you ruin the fun.
You become a problem again,
so be yourself…
but don’t.

T. Marina